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Lady Gertrude confronts the Psychochef

Lady Gertrude stood on the pavement with her hands on her hips.

‘And just what,’ she demanded indignantly, ‘have you done to that badger?’

Jean-Claude (for it was he) leered his most charming leer and said in oily tones, ‘Mais chère Madame – ’

‘Enough of the chère Madame,’ barked Lady Gertrude. ‘That’s my badger, and because of YOU, he is now lying in a heap on the pavement and is no good to anybody, least of all ME. What do you mean by it, eh? Do you think I have nothing better to do all day than deliver first aid to repining rodents? Eh, eh?’

Jean-Claude Psychochef had met the likes of Lady Gertrude before and he knew that with people like her, the best form of approach – was silence. That being the case, he drew himself up to his greatest height (of five foot three) and said – nothing.

Lady Gertrude peered at him suspiciously.

‘Well?’ she said belligerently.

Jean-Claude gave a gallic shrug, as if to say, ‘Well what?’ He gazed at her with magnificent indifference.

Lady G had the unaccustomed feeling that she was wasting someone’s time. It was most unnerving. Moreover, this was the someone she had intended to bully into making her delicious things to eat. Their first meeting was not going to plan. She decided that it was time to retreat and re-think her strategy.

She drew herself up to her greatest height (six foot five) and said grandly, ‘Hmmmph!’

Then scooping up the limp form of the badger, marched off down the road, radiating fury.

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